Three months since I posted that I was approx. 5th on the list to receive a kidney and back then I suggested that perhaps as soon as late June I could expect a transplant. Well here it is mid to late August and I'm still on the D, but I did in fact get my first offer for a kidney earlier this week. Unfortunately 20 minutes later they rescinded the offer when they discovered some calcification, making the kidney less than great for anyone.
As the eternal ponderer of all things I had to wonder about what it meant that I got that call. Does it mean that there's no one similar to me on the list between my position and number one on the list? Or does it mean that they offered that kidney to another prior to me and that person turned it down and so it was then offered to me. Or was it offered to two three or even four people before me and they all turned it down.
I know two things to be true. One is that they usually ask you to dialyze first if the call comes on a dialysis day, but in this instance they would have wanted me to skip dialysis. The other is that when I asked if I could have 30 minutes to decide if I wanted the kidney (I wanted to get advice from my Nephrologist) they said they would give me 20 minutes.
So what does all of that mean? For some reason they wanted to get that kidney into somebody fast. Had it been scheduled for someone else and at the last minute something wasn't right and so they went to the next guy on the list?
Have you ever been in the drive through line at your local coffee shop, watched them hand a drink to the guy in front of you, then watched as he hands it back and they hand him something else instead? When you pulled up to the window... did you wonder if you got the drink that was just handed to the other guy? Did he sip it and that's how he knew it wasn't his? Did he sneeze into his hand just before grabbing that cup and handing it back?
I kinda feel like that was my kidney. The one unwanted by another. Its not like he sniffed it and said, "oh man, that's not mine." Still... it was somebody else's reject before becoming mine. I'm thankful they discovered that it had issues before I drove all the way to Boston, or worse before it ended up inside of me. Which brings up the question, why didn't they know this before they even called me?
Of course all of this is speculation surrounding some of the worse case scenarios of the who, what, when, where and hows regarding this kidney. for all I know this person's kidney may have literally popped out of their body when they died in some horrific accident and but for a few bit's of tar and blades of grass, was perfectly good so long as it got put in someone in a couple of hours. I'm being silly of course but conceptually something like that could have happened, yes?
So the question is: Next time the call comes in do I take the kidney no matter what? Or do I wait for the kidney that isn't all rush rush? Do I wait for the kidney where I have several hours to decide and to get myself to the hospital? It's been a long 4 plus years of dialysis. The transplant can't happen soon enough for me... so I'm not sure I trust myself to make a good decision.
My name is Bil... and I have Kidney Disease
